I'm a Horrible Mother

     So, another new mom decided to create a blog.  Well, whoopity-do!  Who cares, right?  Like there's not enough so-called Mom advice floating out there in internet-land.  However, I do have substantial reasons for starting this.  First, I'm bored as all hell (yes, I swear a lot and since my husband won't let me do it around my kid, I have to have an outlet somewhere!).  Granted I'm busy cleaning and feeding the little me, keeping up with the chores (HAH!), etc.  All mothers know if I put my whole heart into cleaning and feeding, I would be busy around the clock. But, since I don't mind three loads of laundry piled on top of each other on the drying rack, the sink so full of dirty dishes that the caked on food is starting to form colonies, or the muddy paw-prints tracked throughout my entire house ( I pretend these tracks form a kind of yellow brick road that will lead me to the wizard and grant me my wish to vacation in Paris, "There's no place like Paris, there's no place like Paris..."), I've decided to start a blog!
     Second, I'm so sick of reading these yuppie mommy blogs telling me that what I'm doing is HORRIBLE! That my child will be SCARRED FOREVER!  And that I should rush her to the hospital IMMEDIATELY!  I grew up with a mother who threw lasagna in the blender for my 6-month old little brother to have for lunch.  Yes, he loved it and lived.  He's 25 years-old now.  He's an asshole, but he's healthy.   I want to read a blog of a down-to-earth mom who's been there, who's a little sarcastic, who'll joke about how she fucked something up, who doesn't make baby food from scratch everyday!  So, in retaliation I'm starting a blog myself.  I will warn you not to take my advice to heart (if there's anyone even reading this).  Every child is different, hell every mom is different.  Not everything is going to work for you, baby books sometimes suck, and I have no idea what I'm talking about most of the time.
     My name is Lauren and I have a 7-week old baby girl named Penelope and this is my very first blog post, ever.  By the way, I hate the Kardashians.  If you keep up on pop culture, you will understand why I said that.  I welcome you to join me in my misadventures in motherhood.  Sometimes I will ask for advice from you, sometimes I will give it whether you want it or not, just sit back and enjoy.
     If you're wondering what the "B" stands for, let's just say I decided to censor myself a little bit.  Must be my husband coming out of me there.